I just did a thing. I tried on pants. Not pants in a store but pants in my closet. The pants. The pants that I somehow store away every summer and take back out when the colder weather arrives. Pants I haven't actually worn or even tried on for years. They are my “Someday Pants”: someday they will fit again, pants.
Someday, after I eat (fill in the blank) for so many (fill in the blank) and run (fill in the blank) and cut out (fill in the blank), they will slide right back on seamlessly and prove to myself that I did the thing, I accomplished the goal, that I am in the end, enough.
How did a single pair of pants gain so much power? Perhaps I can answer that in a blog for another day.
The problem with the notion of someday is that it gives nothing of great importance to today. It is a miserable mix of “what if’s” and “what was” and not now but…someday. It says nothing to the beauty of the moment in front of you. Someday insists that someday you will be happy, someday you will feel beautiful, someday you will be enough but someday also means you are not those things right now.
Well fuck that. It was not so much a flare of carpe diem that surged through my veins today but more a feeling of not wanting to wait to feel all those wonderful feelings of being, exploring, creating and designing me. It was time to dethrone the someday pants, it was time to do the unthinkable, it was time to try them on and be ready for whatever the outcome might be.
So, I tried on the “someday” pants and guess what?! They definitely did not fit. And guess what again? I did not put them back on my shelf for the future me that may or may not someday be able to fasten that button because the me of today deserves a whole lot more personal respect and love. The ME right now is going to step into herself and her body and start treating it better or at least start trying.
This also means I have more space on my shelf for new pants : )
For me it was pants but we all have a metaphorical piece of something telling us to wait, that our joy is waiting for us in the land of “Someday”. Next time you’re told to wait, think about what you want to say in return, and say it directly, in the moment…don’t wait for the someday.